The science of Emotional Intelligence tells us that we must begin with our own self awareness before we can tap into other’s emotions. Developing self awareness requires tuning into your true feelings. If you can recognize and evaluate your emotions, you can manage them. The ability to recognize an emotion as it happens is the key.

The major elements of self awareness are:

1. Your ability to recognize your own emotions
2. Self confidence
3. Sureness about your worth and capabilities

What we know about emotional awareness is that it is a process. It involves thoughts, feelings and actions. Here is a Three step Process To Recognize Your Emotions. or increasing your ability to recognize your own emotions.

1. THINK. Identify what thoughts are going on inside your head. Often the thoughts that might be difficult to notice at first, but when looked for, tend to fuel the emotional process, positively and/or negatively. For example when we feel hurt or anger, we might be are thinking badly about the person who is the source of our pain and and we might be chastising ourselves for getting into the situation. Picture if you are getting down on yourself how this could make your feelings worse. It might surprise you to know that from a physiological perspective our emotional reactions last only 90 seconds, so what adds to things continuing past this point is the thinking about it that goes on.
2. FEEL. First notice in your body where the emotion locates itself. Is it in your stomach? Heart? Chest? Head? What word most accurately describes your emotion? Using words to describe our emotions increases our awareness and allows us to take steps to address the situation effectively. If we don’t’ know what we are feeling, we cannot adequately and appropriately respond to the situation.
3. ACT. What then do you do about what you are thinking and feeling? For example when you are hurt, you’re thinking negatively about the other person and you are wondering why you are in the situation, you might go silent and walk away or you may stay and argue.

The next time you are feeling something strongly, use this three step process to assist you in becoming more self aware, the first domain of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Writing down your three steps can further develop your skill of self awareness.

How to Think, Feel and Act in your relationship

Self awareness is a first step to increasing emotional connection in your relationship Take this quiz to see how Accessible, Responsive and Engaged you are in your relationship.