But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: warm summer days, a beautiful flower, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
• Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
• Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
• When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Patricia’s Gratitude Practice
Since completing the course by Lynne Twist and Brother David Steindel Rast, The Transformative Power of Sufficiency and Gratefulness, I have become more deliberate with my gratitude practice over the past few months. I find it has become a daily part of both appreciating and letting go before going to sleep at night.
Prior to taking this course I had come across some research to suggest that writing down three things for which you are grateful is optimal when done once every three days or so. I had been doing this for a couple of years. What I found with this is it became hit or miss. I would forget and go a week or two, then become more diligent about it. The other part of this was it became repetitive. Just writing things for which you are grateful, while beneficial and important, I found it lacked depth. I was writing the same things over and over, which is not a bad thing, but it was almost as if I became rote about it or desensitized to it.

I was impressed with Lynne Twist’s practice that she said she has done for many years and has hundreds of journals filled with gratitude. What a legacy! Can you imagine someone important to you leaving their journals of gratitude for you to read? Firstly I think it would be amazing to see what this person felt about their lives. Secondly, it would be inspiring to look at my own lifeI know when I read over mine, I get a sense of joy and… your guessed it of course gratitude for what I have experienced in my life.

For a couple of months now I have been doing what Lynne said she has been doing for many years now. One of the last things at night before going to sleep she writes three things that happened that day for which she is grateful and then she adds the piece that I find the most interesting and deepening, the because or the why.

I would like to show you the difference between what I wrote before learning of Lynne Twist’s approach. An entry I made before was “ I appreciate people in my life that have had a positive influence in my life”. A similar entry after shows greater depth “ I am grateful for people who have had a positive influence in my life because it makes me think and feel differently and gives me a sense of being able to do more with my life”. When I reread each of these I get a different feeling. With the first I feel positive. With the second it feels a little deeper and more positive. It connects with what is important to me, both gratitude and the reasons behind it, the why, my purpose, vision of who I am in my life. Try it yourself and see what happens.

I do go back periodically, once a week or so, to read what I wrote and in the recommended approach by Dr. Rick Hansen, savor the feeling I had at the time of writing for ten seconds or more. It gives another sense of gratitude.

Gratitude Resources
Here is the link to further information on gratitude practices

Did you know that there is a free MOOC (Massive Online Open Course) through Edx on The Science of Happiness? It is the first MOOC to teach the groundbreaking science of positive psychology, which explores the roots of a happy and meaningful life. If you really want to explore the research and practice of happiness, this course is a thorough, enjoyable and information experience. As you think about what happiness is for yourself here are some definitions.

According to Websters Online Dictionary, the word happiness is 1 : good fortune : prosperity; 2a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy; 2b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Research in the field of positive psychology and happiness often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

What gives you happiness?

I have many definitions of happiness. Mostly it is an inner state of calmness and well being. It is not a permanent state and often is in flux, sometimes minute to minute.  But that feeling that things are well is a touchstone telling me that I am happy.

One thing that consistently both makes me happy is hiking in the mountains.  I love the entire process. I get my day pack ready the night before with water, food, rain gear and bear spray, a necessary protector and something I do know how to use. I enjoy figuring out which hike to go on, read about it, make a copy of the trail description and bring along a map of the area. The anticipation is a big part of the the enjoyment. Then on the day of the hike, this past Sunday, I love getting up early, 6 a.m, Because of the preparation the day before, the morning is quite simple, get up, get ready, make coffee and go. Another happiness point is stopping at my local bagel place to get my breakfast. Then I headed up to the hike location.

It was a clear, cool, sunny morning. Have you ever  noticed how still it is in the early morning? And the scents? I can smell the spruce trees, the roses, the air. There were few if any other vehicles. Now here is one of my extreme happiness points.. Am I the first or one of the first to park? Will I be alone on the trail? And I got my happiness. There were only two other vehicles. Since it was 7:30 a.m. I  surmised that they were in the back-country campground. I was thrilled with  this, got ready and off I went. I was the only one on the trail going up to the pass, sitting at the pass and heading down. It was a really good day. And now I have a memory to draw from any time I want a feeling of happiness. Savoring the experience afterwards is a big part of what brings me the positive feeling all over again.

Experience, Collect, Savor

What  experiences do you have that bring you happiness? Experience them, collect them, savor them.

Here here is an article that talks about how to maximize the happiness from your vacation. One part is the first few days and last days being positive have a more lasting effect on your happiness going forward.

Happy Summer Holidays to you. 

The first is about how one of the best parts of a vacation is the anticipation of it. And with summer solstice just having happened we have lots of daylight to help us enjoy it.

The second is about the recent Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples held with seven couples held in Calgary, May 13 – 15, 2016 and an invitation to attend the Canmore mountain get away Hold Me Tight in the fall, October 21 – 23, 2016.

Rejuvenate!

Well, here we are in the first couple of days of official summer. The longer days are so delicious. We’re on the cusp of possibility. The summer is ahead. What sort of plans do you have for your summer? Is it a stay at home and enjoy what your community has to offer? Is it a holiday somewhere new to  have a new experience? Or a family get together ? Whatever you decide or have already decided I wish you a fun, relaxing and rejuvenating time! I came across this article that talks about the planning and anticipation part of the vacation process tends to give the largest boost of happiness. I’m thinking that being aware of that we can all put our attention and intention to enjoying all aspects of the vacation experience, before, during and once you return home.

Hold Me Tight Retreat in Calgary Rocks!

From May 13 to 15, seven  wonderful, courageous, open and  couples got together for Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Retreat for Couples in Calgary with facilitators, Patricia Lavelle, Psychologist and Mel Sanford, Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist.  This is the third time it’s been held in Calgary, with the first one occurring just a year earlier.

Here’s what some of the couples had to say:

Below a few comments about what couples found most useful, what they got from the retreat and their recommendation to others considering attendance.

I hope these will inspire you to attend our upcoming Mountain Get Away Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples in Canmore, Alberta on October 21 – 23, 2016.

What did you find most useful about the retreat?

• The opportunity to have some personal relationships- based important conversations with my spouse but in a safe, supportive environment. This was a much needed  conversation and the handouts are nice to have as a hard-copy.
• Having the conversations with my partner after learning about the topic. I also found that breaking down the relationship dance extremely useful. I really liked the videos – seeing others was validating for me and useful.
• Realizing that our challenges are not unique, they are normal and there is a solution. Building the four cornerstones and then the hold me tight conversation has completely changed how we communicate.

Overall did you get the outcomes you were hoping for?

• Yes. I feel we are on a good path and even further ahead than I thought we would be
• Yes, in many different ways but mainly allowed us to reconnect in a deeper and more meaningful way
• I got more than I was hoping for
• Time will tell, but we are leaving here feeling like we got the outcomes we were looking for, but also got far more than we expected to get. We both feel like new people
• Yes
• Yes and more so!
• More than I expected. I believe for us there was healing and increased understanding. We have been to many “workshops, retreat” and read a lot but never got to the place of identifying the hurt and the “crazy cycle” in our life
• Yes. I think it was helpful that we had some prior attachment therapy sessions.
• Yes
• I was happy to be exposed to the process and begin using each step. Very happy to have done this
• Yes – A deeper understanding-Tools-Hope
• Far exceeded my expectations

Would you recommend this program to others?

• yes strongly recommend to do it before the situation becomes too grand and big. Bridge the gap before it becomes a chasm and this program will guide you in this
• Yes! I already plan on mailing the book to my cousin
• I would recommend that not taking the course is a bad idea. Every couple should take this course
• Yes
• Absolutely! Would like to see a refresher to take it to Level Two! (more)
• Absolutely – Yes
• Yes, I great starting workshops (this is what was there; not sure what meant)
• Definitely, A good enhancer for even good marital relationships
• Absolutely
• Yes, definitely

Current life can be fast paced. There are so many opportunities for our attention being taken away from what we are doing in the moment. Distractions abound. Stresses are relentless. It is easy to become overwhelmed with the sheer volume of information that comes our way.

One practice that counteracts the intensity of living in the 21^st Century  and has a growing base of research to support its benefits is mindfulness meditation. Jon Kabat Zinn, early researcher in the area of mindfulness based stress reduction defines mindfulness as  “The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”

One of the most powerful approaches to mindfulness is simply allowing your attention to shift from whatever you’re doing to your breath.  This sounds very simple, but notice what happens when you do that. Your mind tends to jump all over the place. Suddenly your to do list becomes front and center or unfinished work or what to have for dinner that night. This is normal. Gradually you can shift your thoughts over and over to your breath and gain a sense of calm. Your mind may not ever stop completely but having the intention to focus on your breathing can bring many positive benefits..

The benefits of having a mindfulness practice, simply counting ten breaths, pausing to notice what is around you, having appreciation for what you do have in your life or walking with awareness are many – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  Having a mindfulness practice, even for very short periods of time, is like brushing your teeth daily.  Doing so can prevent the unhealthy build up of stress and give you the ability to function better in your daily lives.

Here are two links to really good information on the what, why, how and how to of mindfulness in your life. It’s as easy as paying attention to what you are doing in the here and now.

• http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition
• https://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-mindfulness-exercises-you-can-try-today/

Key to Effective Mindfulness

The key to a mindfulness practice is to treat it like learning any new skill. Practice once or twice daily starting with five to ten minutes and working up to twenty minutes daily and do this over several weeks to see the benefits. You might even take a course to help your practice.

Just like learning to play the piano or a sport, you could not do it well the first time. It took practice over days, months, years to become good at it. Mindfulness is a learned skill something you can become good at with daily, consistent practice.

What is work?

Work involves the application of physical or mental effort, skills, knowledge or other personal resources, usually involves commitment over time, and has connotations of effort and a need to labour or exert oneself (Warr 1987; OECD 2003). Work is not only ‘a job’ or paid employment, but includes unpaid or voluntary work, education and training, family responsibilities and caring.

Why is work-life balance important?

Work Life balance is important because we all need to do some work throughout our lives, paid, unpaid, family support or education. For some people it is a means to an end; for other’s work is a big source of meaning. Many fall in between these two. I’d like to invite you to put some perspective on work to help us look at how our work factors into our lives.

What happens when there’s imbalance?
Work-life imbalance is a challenge for many, many people. A study by the career web site Vault.com revealed that 69% of respondents said that the amount of vacation time they receive is NOT sufficient. A study by the Families and Work Institute revealed that chronically overworked employees have an adverse effect on business outcomes. They are more likely to make mistakes, resent their employers, and resent co-workers for not working as hard as they do.

Multi-tasking is a key contributor to employees feeling overwhelmed. According to the Corporate Executive Board only 30% of employees feel they have a good work-life balance. A recent study among 50,000 global workers indicated that work-life balance ranked 2nd in importance after compensation.

Work is good for you???
There is a strong evidence base showing that work is generally good for physical and mental health and well-being. Worklessness is associated with poorer physical and mental health and well-being. Work can be therapeutic and can reverse the adverse health effects of unemployment. That is true for healthy people of working age, for many disabled people, for most people with common health problems and for retired individuals.

The provisos are that account must be taken of the nature and quality of work and its social context; jobs should be safe and accommodating. Overall, the beneficial effects of work outweigh the risks of work, and are greater than the harmful effects of long-term unemployment or prolonged sickness absence. Work is generally good for health and well-being.

What is work-life balance?
Work-life balance is the dynamic relationship between achievement and fulfillment, and the factors that influence our choices and decisions in these two areas. Here’s a link to Canadian Mental Health Associations quiz on work life balance. There are also Tips for Work Life Balance on that page.

Patricia’s Five Tips for Better Work-Life Balance:

1. Exercise regularly. Not only is exercise good for your mental and physical development, it combats the effects of daily stress. Canadian Physical activity recommendations are to achieve health benefits, adults aged 18 – 64 years should accumulate at least 150 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity per week, in bouts of 10 minutes or more. It is also beneficial to add muscle and bone strengthening activities using major muscle groups at least two days per week. More physical activity provides greater health benefits.
2. Sleep seven to eight hours per night. Getting consistent sleep restores us and is the “secret weapon” of high performers at work and in their lives. Elite athletes have found increasing their sleep to up to 10 hours per night improves their performance so you are in good company.
3. Have a morning routine. For the first hour of your day avoid checking your phone, emails, texts, Facebook page. Instead, use this time for planning your day and spend time on high priority tasks during this time. You are generally fresher and more able to focus to get more completed during this time.
4. Build in breaks during your day. These are shorter energizer breaks to be taken throughout your day, such as working for 25 minutes and taking five minutes doing something different; working for 50 minutes and taking a ten minute break or working two one hour periods with a half hour break. It can be helpful to use a timer to remind yourself to take the breaks. Such an approach can increase your energy and focus in order to be more productive throughout the day.
5. Know your why. Find your purpose and motivation for why you are doing the work you are doing Some purposes include serving others, being there for people or making a difference. This is something to revisit on an ongoing basis.

Journalling

So with this in mind, I wanted to share with you a particular tool that can be helpful in sorting through many things in your life, that of writing, short journaling practices aimed at alleviating stress and improving your day to day life when difficult circumstances arise. The two are writing for 20 minutes on four consecutive days to write about something bothering you and the SFD, the shitty first draft.

James Pennebaker, social psychologist  and Centennial Liberal Arts Professor of Psychology at the University of  Texas, has  done research on the expressive writing method for emotional well being. Over the past 20 years, he has given the simple assignment for his research for people to journal on four consecutive days on a life challenge, trauma or upheaval.

Improved Health

The results show improved health in a variety of areas. Here is further information on this simple, yet impactful approach.

Brene Brown, scholar, author, and public speaker is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. In her book Rising Strong: The Reckoning, the Rumble, the Revolution she a practice when difficult “face down in the dirt” situations arise. You know the kind of situations that set us back, have us questioning ourselves and make us feel unworthy, out of control and helpless to move forward

She calls it the “Shitty first draft”, (SFD). The SFD is first thoughts, feelings, self talk that occur when we are hurt, angry, embarrassed or ashamed and want to seclude, avoid, get away from the situation or turn and fight in an unproductive way.

Just write!

You take those initial reactions and write a short paragraph outlining those inside, deep feelings and negative thoughts in an uncensored way. The act of writing this down allows you to validate, see and accept that these thoughts are present.  It is not something anyone else needs to see. So the next time you feel a setback in your life stop and write down that SFD. It is a really great way to start moving forward.  Then you can do the rewrites to change your view of the situation over time.

I invite you try either the SFD, a short paragraph that no one else will see or the four day writing on a challenging area in your life to discover what happens.

Here is a link to writing methods for emotional well being. Go ahead and click the photo, it will take you there.

With something as big and life changing as the Fort McMurray fires, these practices are starting points, something you might use regularly to help yourself process what you are going through. The research shows positive impact of such practices.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies.

What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
• Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
• Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
• When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Check out the following 2 articles.

 Author’s content used with permission, © Claire Communications.

John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, formulated the theory of attachment. What he found was the quality of the connection to loved ones is a key to an individual’s development and habitual ways of connecting emotionally with others.

Dr. Sue Johnson, Canadian Researcher and Clinical Psychologist, in her ground breaking work in adult attachment in couple relationships states in her book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, “We need emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable others to be physically and mentally healthy – survive.” Contrary to the popular notion that we need to be independent individuals,

Dr. Johnson further explains that we need these kinds of positive emotional connections “from cradle to grave”. Where else might we need to have that kind of attachment relationship more than in our primary couple relationship?

Here’s some information on how the fear of loss of emotional connection drives repetitive arguments in relationships and how to take steps to identify and stop them, as well as how to regain emotional closeness when it is lost.

Does your relationship have repetitive, non resolveable arguments that you would like to change?

Alberta Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. He also said that you can’t solve the problem at the level at which the problem was created. One area where this plays itself out frequently is in the repetitive arguments in relationships. These go on and on without resolution, ending up in cycles of frustration, disconnection and divorce. In this email we will look at why this is the case and what you can do right now to start a new pattern with new outcomes and a closer emotional bond with your significant other.

Why do patterns of argument arise in relationships?

According to the Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), our relationship difficulties stem from how we react to our partner not being Accessible, Responsive and Engaged (A.R.E.) with us. These three elements tend to underlay most arguments that do not get resolved in relationships. They pose the questions, Are you there for me? Will you respond to me? Will you engage with me? When these are present most of the time or can be achieved, a secure relationship is the result. When these three elements are not present, relating to the other is like knocking on a door, getting no response and knocking harder, trying the door handle and the door being locked or barred from the other side. Finally we give up in frustration, anger and resentment. This pattern then can take over your relationship leading to further disconnection, disillusionment and even divorce.

How does attachment work in relationships and disagreements?

The evidence based EFT approach is based on an adult theory of love stemming from John Bowlby’s research on attachment in individuals and researched by Dr. Sue Johnson, Researcher and Clinical Psychologist who has pioneered the evidence based EFT with couples.

The main part to understand is that our closest relationships are attachment based. There are four kinds of attachment, secure, anxious, avoidant and anxious avoidant which originate in childhood relationships with our parents. Since our closest relationships often mimic patterns instilled in childhood, many of us will revert to those early underpinnings to cope with the stress of not being able to connect with our loved one, much like a child will react when parental support and love are unavailable. If our attachment base was built on A.R.E. and is mostly secure, we will be able to cope and repair the disconnection easily and resume the previous close connection. When the attachment base was anxious, avoidant or both, problems can arise. As many of us did not receive secure attachment with our parents in childhood this can present relationship challenges that become increasingly difficult to change in a pattern that leads to further disconnection.

What does attachment mean for you in relationship?

It means that you are fighting for emotional connection with your close other when there is conflict. Most people tend to do this one of two ways, by pursuing, protesting the disconnection or by avoiding, preserving the relationship. The irony of this is the way we tend to try to manage conflict and emotional disconnection can feed into the other’s fears and vulnerabilities, creating the very disconnection we are trying to avoid.

What can I do?

The important first step is to notice when you are starting to feel the disconnection and what you are thinking, feeling and doing. Second, stop and look at your part. Identify what you are thnking, feeling and doing when you are upset or triggered into reaction by your partner. Thirdly, take ownership of what you are doing that is trying to pull or push the other into the disconnection. Fourthly, try something different.

If you are a person who reacts to your partner’s withdrawal by criticizing, complaining or cajoling, try stepping back, allowing yourself to calm down and come back to the disagreement in a few minutes. It can be helpful to have an agreed upon length of time discussed with your partner, preferably prior to the struggle in a time of calm.

If you tend to react to your partner’s pursuing for discussion by withdrawal, try staying present to hear what is being said or give yourself some time to calm down and return to the disagreement when both of you are calm. Try this for the next two weeks and notice what is different both in you quality of connectedness to your partner, and what happens differently in your disagreements.

As a bonus suggestion, to bolster the positives in your relationship and increase the secure attachment, notice and let your partner know the things that they are doing well or what you like about them. According to John Gottman, professor emeritus at University of Washington and researcher in couple relationships, it takes five positives to neutralize the effect of one negative.

This link is to a beautiful example of the basis for secure attachment in a child, that would translate to a securely attached adult. Imagine yourself being soothed by yourself or another to stop crying as with this child.

What would happen for you if you could be calmed this way in your relationship?

Step 1. Create a Worry Period

Pick a convenient time period, 20 to 30 minutes, and place at the same time each day. Ensure it is a place that is separate from your usual daily routine. Assign it for the worry period only. For example if you usually sit in your living room chair, perhaps go to a chair in your dining room. The point is to associate this time and location with your intention to worry.

Step 2. Postpone Your Worry

Carry a small notebook with you. When a worrying thought or feeling comes up, quickly jot it down. Then remind yourself that this worry will be addressed in the worry period when you have time and are in a better position to address it, that at this moment there are things that need your focus and attention. Shift your focus to what you are doing in the present moment, using mindfulness to assist you. Take immediate action to do something practical, positive, pleasant, active or nurturing. Worry is a persistent adversary, so gentle persistence measures are needed to counteract it.

Step 3. The Worry Period.

When your worry period arrives, settle yourself down and take some time to reflect on your day and the worries you had written down. Some things to keep in mind while doing this are to worry about things from your list if you feel you must. You do not need to worry about things that are on your list if they no longer bother you. If things from your list continue to worry you, ensure that you spend no longer that your planned worry time. It may be helpful to write down your worries at this time.

Step 4. Choose what you have control over

Toward the end of the worry period, look at your list of worries and divide them into two categories. Identify those over which you have some control or agency. Write the letter C beside them. Then identify those over which you have no control. Write the letters NC beside them. For example if your list includes worry about a work deadline, your boss’s treatment of you, how your coworkers think about you and the traffic on your ride home. You have most control over the steps toward the work deadline, but not the actual date. You have no control over your boss’s treatment of you, what your coworkers think about you or the traffic. In all of these you do have agency over how you respond to these things.

Step 5. Change What You Can Control

When you have selected what you do have control over, make a list of three things that you will do going forward to feel better about how you are dealing with the situation, even if there are things you have no control over.

Worry postponement may seem like a strange thing to do. It may seem like an effort to carry around a notepad to write down your worries during the day and schedule worry time. To start a new habit, it is important to do these things, but with this effort over time you will be able to do it more effectively. You may be surprised at how well you are able to do this even if you think you are not able to do so.