Did you know that there is a free MOOC (Massive Online Open Course) through Edx on The Science of Happiness? It is the first MOOC to teach the groundbreaking science of positive psychology, which explores the roots of a happy and meaningful life. If you really want to explore the research and practice of happiness, this course is a thorough, enjoyable and information experience. As you think about what happiness is for yourself here are some definitions.

According to Websters Online Dictionary, the word happiness is 1 : good fortune : prosperity; 2a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy; 2b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Research in the field of positive psychology and happiness often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

What gives you happiness?

I have many definitions of happiness. Mostly it is an inner state of calmness and well being. It is not a permanent state and often is in flux, sometimes minute to minute.  But that feeling that things are well is a touchstone telling me that I am happy.

One thing that consistently both makes me happy is hiking in the mountains.  I love the entire process. I get my day pack ready the night before with water, food, rain gear and bear spray, a necessary protector and something I do know how to use. I enjoy figuring out which hike to go on, read about it, make a copy of the trail description and bring along a map of the area. The anticipation is a big part of the the enjoyment. Then on the day of the hike, this past Sunday, I love getting up early, 6 a.m, Because of the preparation the day before, the morning is quite simple, get up, get ready, make coffee and go. Another happiness point is stopping at my local bagel place to get my breakfast. Then I headed up to the hike location.

It was a clear, cool, sunny morning. Have you ever  noticed how still it is in the early morning? And the scents? I can smell the spruce trees, the roses, the air. There were few if any other vehicles. Now here is one of my extreme happiness points.. Am I the first or one of the first to park? Will I be alone on the trail? And I got my happiness. There were only two other vehicles. Since it was 7:30 a.m. I  surmised that they were in the back-country campground. I was thrilled with  this, got ready and off I went. I was the only one on the trail going up to the pass, sitting at the pass and heading down. It was a really good day. And now I have a memory to draw from any time I want a feeling of happiness. Savoring the experience afterwards is a big part of what brings me the positive feeling all over again.

Experience, Collect, Savor

What  experiences do you have that bring you happiness? Experience them, collect them, savor them.

Here here is an article that talks about how to maximize the happiness from your vacation. One part is the first few days and last days being positive have a more lasting effect on your happiness going forward.

Happy Summer Holidays to you. 

The first is about how one of the best parts of a vacation is the anticipation of it. And with summer solstice just having happened we have lots of daylight to help us enjoy it.

The second is about the recent Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples held with seven couples held in Calgary, May 13 – 15, 2016 and an invitation to attend the Canmore mountain get away Hold Me Tight in the fall, October 21 – 23, 2016.

Rejuvenate!

Well, here we are in the first couple of days of official summer. The longer days are so delicious. We’re on the cusp of possibility. The summer is ahead. What sort of plans do you have for your summer? Is it a stay at home and enjoy what your community has to offer? Is it a holiday somewhere new to  have a new experience? Or a family get together ? Whatever you decide or have already decided I wish you a fun, relaxing and rejuvenating time! I came across this article that talks about the planning and anticipation part of the vacation process tends to give the largest boost of happiness. I’m thinking that being aware of that we can all put our attention and intention to enjoying all aspects of the vacation experience, before, during and once you return home.

Hold Me Tight Retreat in Calgary Rocks!

From May 13 to 15, seven  wonderful, courageous, open and  couples got together for Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Retreat for Couples in Calgary with facilitators, Patricia Lavelle, Psychologist and Mel Sanford, Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist.  This is the third time it’s been held in Calgary, with the first one occurring just a year earlier.

Here’s what some of the couples had to say:

Below a few comments about what couples found most useful, what they got from the retreat and their recommendation to others considering attendance.

I hope these will inspire you to attend our upcoming Mountain Get Away Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples in Canmore, Alberta on October 21 – 23, 2016.

What did you find most useful about the retreat?

• The opportunity to have some personal relationships- based important conversations with my spouse but in a safe, supportive environment. This was a much needed  conversation and the handouts are nice to have as a hard-copy.
• Having the conversations with my partner after learning about the topic. I also found that breaking down the relationship dance extremely useful. I really liked the videos – seeing others was validating for me and useful.
• Realizing that our challenges are not unique, they are normal and there is a solution. Building the four cornerstones and then the hold me tight conversation has completely changed how we communicate.

Overall did you get the outcomes you were hoping for?

• Yes. I feel we are on a good path and even further ahead than I thought we would be
• Yes, in many different ways but mainly allowed us to reconnect in a deeper and more meaningful way
• I got more than I was hoping for
• Time will tell, but we are leaving here feeling like we got the outcomes we were looking for, but also got far more than we expected to get. We both feel like new people
• Yes
• Yes and more so!
• More than I expected. I believe for us there was healing and increased understanding. We have been to many “workshops, retreat” and read a lot but never got to the place of identifying the hurt and the “crazy cycle” in our life
• Yes. I think it was helpful that we had some prior attachment therapy sessions.
• Yes
• I was happy to be exposed to the process and begin using each step. Very happy to have done this
• Yes – A deeper understanding-Tools-Hope
• Far exceeded my expectations

Would you recommend this program to others?

• yes strongly recommend to do it before the situation becomes too grand and big. Bridge the gap before it becomes a chasm and this program will guide you in this
• Yes! I already plan on mailing the book to my cousin
• I would recommend that not taking the course is a bad idea. Every couple should take this course
• Yes
• Absolutely! Would like to see a refresher to take it to Level Two! (more)
• Absolutely – Yes
• Yes, I great starting workshops (this is what was there; not sure what meant)
• Definitely, A good enhancer for even good marital relationships
• Absolutely
• Yes, definitely

In contrast to the idyllic picture above, Mother Nature has served up record snowfalls this past winter (I’m a skier so I love them for the most part, but many do not) leading to record road closures outside Revelstoke, BC, rainfalls in the form of the worst floods in years in Manitoba, the terrible tsunami effects in Japan and fires burning down whole neighborhoods in Slave Lake, Alberta, not to mention the simply horrid spring that was really winter in disguise in the Bow Valley. So how do you cope with these vicious swings in something that affects all of us and that is completely out of our control to change?

Weather is one of those things that is talked about a lot and creates a great deal of negativity. Most of us do not have the option to relocate to a more stable, warm and welcoming climate. I even read somewhere on the internet that if Canadians did not have the weather to talk about, they would not have anything to talk about. So what to do? Think about it for yourself… How many conversations that you have with others revolve around the weather, good or bad? That’s a fair amount of time spent on something over which we have no control and yet impacts each one of us so significantly.

Here are some do’s for coping better with the uncontrollable events in our lives, such as the weather and natural disasters that have occurred in this past few months.

• Do identify what you do and do not have control over in such situations; most often all you have control over is how you  think, feel and act about the situation. To quote Henry Ford “If you think you can or think that you cannot, you areright”, meaning our thoughts about a situation can determine the outcome.
• Do realize that it is normal and natural to feel badly about  things outside your control. If, however, you dwell on this and start blaming the outside factors  for your feelings and thoughts, or dwell on negative thoughts and feelings, your life can become more difficult.
• Do realize that there is nothing that you can do about the weather. You can look at your own attitude and decide if your present attitude, thoughts and feelings arehelpful to you. You can make the deliberate change  to have more helpful thoughts, feelings and actions. These might include doing an enjoyable activity, spending time with friends or family. To help with the shift, take a five minute belly breathing session or simply place the image of a big STOP sign in your mind, followed by shifting to something different.
• Do make  a list of things that you like to think, see, do and play at so that whendifficult external situations arise you canrefocus  your energies in  a more positive direction and  feel better about yourself.
• Do what you can do with things such as naturaldisasters. You can donate money, time, old clothing and send positive thoughtsto the location.
• Do focus on what you are thankful for in yourlife and live according to what is important to you. You can refocus yourenergies on things over which you exert influence.
• Do look into using a SAD (Seasonal AffectiveDisorder) light as the sun heads south after June 21 in the northern hemisphereif you experience low energy, irritability, negative thought patterns andchanges in your sleep patterns as the summer progresses and fall approaches.

In sum, do put your energies where they will have the most positive effect for you. Choose this direction and refrain from focusing on things over which you have no control.

The process of writing and honing material for the website was a challenge, both positively and negatively.  My great website designer, Norja Vanderelst of Colour Infusion Web Design, was infinitely patient and had good humour with my careful, measured speed toward the process. That means I took a long time to write the content by virtue of putting it off and then had several rewrites. My friends Dr. Matt Graham and Kelly Green did the critique for me… And they’re still friends. Lol. It was overwhelming at times to figure out what to include so that it could be most helpful to you in deciding if my counselling services fit your needs. In the end, it was rewarding to go through the process.  I highly recommend it. And have Norja do a website for you and with you.

I have my practice both in Canmore and Calgary.

In Canmore: my practice is on Thursday evenings and Saturdays during the day at Ridgeview Medical Centre.

I am in Calgary on Wednesdays all day at Bow Valley Counselling and Mediation on the Second Floor, Suite  200,  2120 Kensington Road. I hope to meet you sometime. Now that the commercial is over I do have some thoughts to share about having a positive family or couple or friend holiday this summer… that is if we ever see some warm weather.

For this first information blog, I have some thoughts to share about summer vacations away from home and four ways to improve your chances of having an enjoyable time, free of meltdowns and/or relationship difficulties.

To make the most of your holiday time, in your planning include thoughts about how you will deal with spending more time together with family, friends, spouses and partners. This can be difficult because we all have the tendency to think that if we have a change of scenery, things with our relationships will improve automatically. This is not necessarily going to happen. I think one of the things that people can avoid planning for in their vacation time is the relationship matters that will come up during that time.

To have you have the best experience possible in your time away from your regular routine I have the following four tips:

1. Identify any relationship difficulties you are having currently and either clear them up prior to leaving on vacation or make time for talking about them while away.
2. Remember that it is possible to get too much of one another no matter how much you love and enjoy one another. Take some time to think about your trip, the amount of together time it will entail and to plan for some time apart, even if it means sitting at separate tables in a restaurant for a while. Another way to get alone time is by bringing an enjoyable individual activity to  do sitting side by side ( a kind of on your own together) such as reading a book, listening to movies or music, knitting, drawing or painting.
3. As the inevitable disagreements arise, make time to chill out before talking over and resolving the difficulty. One chill out technique which you can start before leaving home is to focus on your breathing and gradually breathe deeply and easily into your belly (diaphragm) and do this for three to five minutes. Even a few seconds of this can calm your tension. The more you use this, the better you become at it, so start right now. It’s like learning to play an instrument… lots of practice makes for improvement. Make sure you come back to one another to work out the issue to clear the air. Unaddressed matters can ferment underneath and come out later.
4. Focus on the positive of what you are experiencing. This can be a particular challenge if you are in a place where language, culture and customs are different. Remind yourself of why you chose this vacation and make the most of a new experience, which does involve discomfort and fun in varying degrees.
5. And if everything goes sideways, make your best efforts to work out the issues and focus on what you have gained from the experience of this time. Not all holidays are the stuff of dreams.

The main point is to anticipate possible stressors on your relationships before you go on vacation and deal with them as much as possible before leaving home. Recognize that conflict is normal and that difficulties come up, even when you are visiting the most beautiful places in the world. Make a plan for handling these and remember to take steps to make your vacation a positive, memorable experience. If it is not, chock it up to experience and learn from it for the next time.