But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: warm summer days, a beautiful flower, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
• Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
• Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
• When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Patricia’s Gratitude Practice
Since completing the course by Lynne Twist and Brother David Steindel Rast, The Transformative Power of Sufficiency and Gratefulness, I have become more deliberate with my gratitude practice over the past few months. I find it has become a daily part of both appreciating and letting go before going to sleep at night.
Prior to taking this course I had come across some research to suggest that writing down three things for which you are grateful is optimal when done once every three days or so. I had been doing this for a couple of years. What I found with this is it became hit or miss. I would forget and go a week or two, then become more diligent about it. The other part of this was it became repetitive. Just writing things for which you are grateful, while beneficial and important, I found it lacked depth. I was writing the same things over and over, which is not a bad thing, but it was almost as if I became rote about it or desensitized to it.

I was impressed with Lynne Twist’s practice that she said she has done for many years and has hundreds of journals filled with gratitude. What a legacy! Can you imagine someone important to you leaving their journals of gratitude for you to read? Firstly I think it would be amazing to see what this person felt about their lives. Secondly, it would be inspiring to look at my own lifeI know when I read over mine, I get a sense of joy and… your guessed it of course gratitude for what I have experienced in my life.

For a couple of months now I have been doing what Lynne said she has been doing for many years now. One of the last things at night before going to sleep she writes three things that happened that day for which she is grateful and then she adds the piece that I find the most interesting and deepening, the because or the why.

I would like to show you the difference between what I wrote before learning of Lynne Twist’s approach. An entry I made before was “ I appreciate people in my life that have had a positive influence in my life”. A similar entry after shows greater depth “ I am grateful for people who have had a positive influence in my life because it makes me think and feel differently and gives me a sense of being able to do more with my life”. When I reread each of these I get a different feeling. With the first I feel positive. With the second it feels a little deeper and more positive. It connects with what is important to me, both gratitude and the reasons behind it, the why, my purpose, vision of who I am in my life. Try it yourself and see what happens.

I do go back periodically, once a week or so, to read what I wrote and in the recommended approach by Dr. Rick Hansen, savor the feeling I had at the time of writing for ten seconds or more. It gives another sense of gratitude.

Gratitude Resources
Here is the link to further information on gratitude practices

Did you know that there is a free MOOC (Massive Online Open Course) through Edx on The Science of Happiness? It is the first MOOC to teach the groundbreaking science of positive psychology, which explores the roots of a happy and meaningful life. If you really want to explore the research and practice of happiness, this course is a thorough, enjoyable and information experience. As you think about what happiness is for yourself here are some definitions.

According to Websters Online Dictionary, the word happiness is 1 : good fortune : prosperity; 2a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy; 2b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Research in the field of positive psychology and happiness often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

What gives you happiness?

I have many definitions of happiness. Mostly it is an inner state of calmness and well being. It is not a permanent state and often is in flux, sometimes minute to minute.  But that feeling that things are well is a touchstone telling me that I am happy.

One thing that consistently both makes me happy is hiking in the mountains.  I love the entire process. I get my day pack ready the night before with water, food, rain gear and bear spray, a necessary protector and something I do know how to use. I enjoy figuring out which hike to go on, read about it, make a copy of the trail description and bring along a map of the area. The anticipation is a big part of the the enjoyment. Then on the day of the hike, this past Sunday, I love getting up early, 6 a.m, Because of the preparation the day before, the morning is quite simple, get up, get ready, make coffee and go. Another happiness point is stopping at my local bagel place to get my breakfast. Then I headed up to the hike location.

It was a clear, cool, sunny morning. Have you ever  noticed how still it is in the early morning? And the scents? I can smell the spruce trees, the roses, the air. There were few if any other vehicles. Now here is one of my extreme happiness points.. Am I the first or one of the first to park? Will I be alone on the trail? And I got my happiness. There were only two other vehicles. Since it was 7:30 a.m. I  surmised that they were in the back-country campground. I was thrilled with  this, got ready and off I went. I was the only one on the trail going up to the pass, sitting at the pass and heading down. It was a really good day. And now I have a memory to draw from any time I want a feeling of happiness. Savoring the experience afterwards is a big part of what brings me the positive feeling all over again.

Experience, Collect, Savor

What  experiences do you have that bring you happiness? Experience them, collect them, savor them.

Here here is an article that talks about how to maximize the happiness from your vacation. One part is the first few days and last days being positive have a more lasting effect on your happiness going forward.

Happy Summer Holidays to you. 

The first is about how one of the best parts of a vacation is the anticipation of it. And with summer solstice just having happened we have lots of daylight to help us enjoy it.

The second is about the recent Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples held with seven couples held in Calgary, May 13 – 15, 2016 and an invitation to attend the Canmore mountain get away Hold Me Tight in the fall, October 21 – 23, 2016.

Rejuvenate!

Well, here we are in the first couple of days of official summer. The longer days are so delicious. We’re on the cusp of possibility. The summer is ahead. What sort of plans do you have for your summer? Is it a stay at home and enjoy what your community has to offer? Is it a holiday somewhere new to  have a new experience? Or a family get together ? Whatever you decide or have already decided I wish you a fun, relaxing and rejuvenating time! I came across this article that talks about the planning and anticipation part of the vacation process tends to give the largest boost of happiness. I’m thinking that being aware of that we can all put our attention and intention to enjoying all aspects of the vacation experience, before, during and once you return home.

Hold Me Tight Retreat in Calgary Rocks!

From May 13 to 15, seven  wonderful, courageous, open and  couples got together for Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Retreat for Couples in Calgary with facilitators, Patricia Lavelle, Psychologist and Mel Sanford, Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist.  This is the third time it’s been held in Calgary, with the first one occurring just a year earlier.

Here’s what some of the couples had to say:

Below a few comments about what couples found most useful, what they got from the retreat and their recommendation to others considering attendance.

I hope these will inspire you to attend our upcoming Mountain Get Away Hold Me Tight: A Transformational Weekend Retreat for Couples in Canmore, Alberta on October 21 – 23, 2016.

What did you find most useful about the retreat?

• The opportunity to have some personal relationships- based important conversations with my spouse but in a safe, supportive environment. This was a much needed  conversation and the handouts are nice to have as a hard-copy.
• Having the conversations with my partner after learning about the topic. I also found that breaking down the relationship dance extremely useful. I really liked the videos – seeing others was validating for me and useful.
• Realizing that our challenges are not unique, they are normal and there is a solution. Building the four cornerstones and then the hold me tight conversation has completely changed how we communicate.

Overall did you get the outcomes you were hoping for?

• Yes. I feel we are on a good path and even further ahead than I thought we would be
• Yes, in many different ways but mainly allowed us to reconnect in a deeper and more meaningful way
• I got more than I was hoping for
• Time will tell, but we are leaving here feeling like we got the outcomes we were looking for, but also got far more than we expected to get. We both feel like new people
• Yes
• Yes and more so!
• More than I expected. I believe for us there was healing and increased understanding. We have been to many “workshops, retreat” and read a lot but never got to the place of identifying the hurt and the “crazy cycle” in our life
• Yes. I think it was helpful that we had some prior attachment therapy sessions.
• Yes
• I was happy to be exposed to the process and begin using each step. Very happy to have done this
• Yes – A deeper understanding-Tools-Hope
• Far exceeded my expectations

Would you recommend this program to others?

• yes strongly recommend to do it before the situation becomes too grand and big. Bridge the gap before it becomes a chasm and this program will guide you in this
• Yes! I already plan on mailing the book to my cousin
• I would recommend that not taking the course is a bad idea. Every couple should take this course
• Yes
• Absolutely! Would like to see a refresher to take it to Level Two! (more)
• Absolutely – Yes
• Yes, I great starting workshops (this is what was there; not sure what meant)
• Definitely, A good enhancer for even good marital relationships
• Absolutely
• Yes, definitely

What is work?

Work involves the application of physical or mental effort, skills, knowledge or other personal resources, usually involves commitment over time, and has connotations of effort and a need to labour or exert oneself (Warr 1987; OECD 2003). Work is not only ‘a job’ or paid employment, but includes unpaid or voluntary work, education and training, family responsibilities and caring.

Why is work-life balance important?

Work Life balance is important because we all need to do some work throughout our lives, paid, unpaid, family support or education. For some people it is a means to an end; for other’s work is a big source of meaning. Many fall in between these two. I’d like to invite you to put some perspective on work to help us look at how our work factors into our lives.

What happens when there’s imbalance?
Work-life imbalance is a challenge for many, many people. A study by the career web site Vault.com revealed that 69% of respondents said that the amount of vacation time they receive is NOT sufficient. A study by the Families and Work Institute revealed that chronically overworked employees have an adverse effect on business outcomes. They are more likely to make mistakes, resent their employers, and resent co-workers for not working as hard as they do.

Multi-tasking is a key contributor to employees feeling overwhelmed. According to the Corporate Executive Board only 30% of employees feel they have a good work-life balance. A recent study among 50,000 global workers indicated that work-life balance ranked 2nd in importance after compensation.

Work is good for you???
There is a strong evidence base showing that work is generally good for physical and mental health and well-being. Worklessness is associated with poorer physical and mental health and well-being. Work can be therapeutic and can reverse the adverse health effects of unemployment. That is true for healthy people of working age, for many disabled people, for most people with common health problems and for retired individuals.

The provisos are that account must be taken of the nature and quality of work and its social context; jobs should be safe and accommodating. Overall, the beneficial effects of work outweigh the risks of work, and are greater than the harmful effects of long-term unemployment or prolonged sickness absence. Work is generally good for health and well-being.

What is work-life balance?
Work-life balance is the dynamic relationship between achievement and fulfillment, and the factors that influence our choices and decisions in these two areas. Here’s a link to Canadian Mental Health Associations quiz on work life balance. There are also Tips for Work Life Balance on that page.

Patricia’s Five Tips for Better Work-Life Balance:

1. Exercise regularly. Not only is exercise good for your mental and physical development, it combats the effects of daily stress. Canadian Physical activity recommendations are to achieve health benefits, adults aged 18 – 64 years should accumulate at least 150 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity per week, in bouts of 10 minutes or more. It is also beneficial to add muscle and bone strengthening activities using major muscle groups at least two days per week. More physical activity provides greater health benefits.
2. Sleep seven to eight hours per night. Getting consistent sleep restores us and is the “secret weapon” of high performers at work and in their lives. Elite athletes have found increasing their sleep to up to 10 hours per night improves their performance so you are in good company.
3. Have a morning routine. For the first hour of your day avoid checking your phone, emails, texts, Facebook page. Instead, use this time for planning your day and spend time on high priority tasks during this time. You are generally fresher and more able to focus to get more completed during this time.
4. Build in breaks during your day. These are shorter energizer breaks to be taken throughout your day, such as working for 25 minutes and taking five minutes doing something different; working for 50 minutes and taking a ten minute break or working two one hour periods with a half hour break. It can be helpful to use a timer to remind yourself to take the breaks. Such an approach can increase your energy and focus in order to be more productive throughout the day.
5. Know your why. Find your purpose and motivation for why you are doing the work you are doing Some purposes include serving others, being there for people or making a difference. This is something to revisit on an ongoing basis.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies.

What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
• Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
• Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
• When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Check out the following 2 articles.

 Author’s content used with permission, © Claire Communications.

STEP 1. Prepare.

Notice your thoughts. Ask yourself, Would I like to be able to have choice about when they come up and when they can be set aside? Am I willing to invest short periods of time before I go to sleep, when I wake up and a few times throughout the day to instill a new, effective practice in my life?

It is helpful to say yes to these questions before taking the next step.

STEP 2. Think of a container.

If you have noticed how much your thoughts crowd in and you are willing to try something different with a small investment of time, then I ask you to think of a container, something that is real, but is out of your everyday attention. The container can be large or small and must have a method of closing.

Some ideas include a conference room with a door that can be shut, a safe, an attic with a latching door or a storage facility . Pick something that is relevant to you, but out of sight of daily awareness so that you are not continually reminded of what you are setting aside.

STEP 3. Imagine the container and let thoughts slip over to the container.

This is the part that takes some practice, but is also the fun part. In your mind select something that you wish to move over to your container. Or simply say to yourself let all the thoughts past, present and future that are not needed right now slide over, flow over or slip into your container. You might even thing of cradling the thought or feeling lovingly as you might a close friend, your child or partner and gently let it move over or be carried to the container and place it easily in it.

The key here is not to engage your thinking that says I’ll just put this over, shove it over or kick it over. While it is natural to want to get rid of troubling thoughts, this method simply of trying too hard aggravates them. The gentler imaginative process engages the creative right hemisphere that just lets it happen. Wait a little to see them easily move into the container. Some people visualize and see them moving over, while others feel it, sense it or get a sensation of relaxation or inner warmth as it slides over.

What is your experience?

Landmark study shows that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help couples understand their relationship better, reduce conflicts AND create secure, loving bonds that can soothe brains.”

In contrast to the idyllic picture above, Mother Nature has served up record snowfalls this past winter (I’m a skier so I love them for the most part, but many do not) leading to record road closures outside Revelstoke, BC, rainfalls in the form of the worst floods in years in Manitoba, the terrible tsunami effects in Japan and fires burning down whole neighborhoods in Slave Lake, Alberta, not to mention the simply horrid spring that was really winter in disguise in the Bow Valley. So how do you cope with these vicious swings in something that affects all of us and that is completely out of our control to change?

Weather is one of those things that is talked about a lot and creates a great deal of negativity. Most of us do not have the option to relocate to a more stable, warm and welcoming climate. I even read somewhere on the internet that if Canadians did not have the weather to talk about, they would not have anything to talk about. So what to do? Think about it for yourself… How many conversations that you have with others revolve around the weather, good or bad? That’s a fair amount of time spent on something over which we have no control and yet impacts each one of us so significantly.

Here are some do’s for coping better with the uncontrollable events in our lives, such as the weather and natural disasters that have occurred in this past few months.

• Do identify what you do and do not have control over in such situations; most often all you have control over is how you  think, feel and act about the situation. To quote Henry Ford “If you think you can or think that you cannot, you areright”, meaning our thoughts about a situation can determine the outcome.
• Do realize that it is normal and natural to feel badly about  things outside your control. If, however, you dwell on this and start blaming the outside factors  for your feelings and thoughts, or dwell on negative thoughts and feelings, your life can become more difficult.
• Do realize that there is nothing that you can do about the weather. You can look at your own attitude and decide if your present attitude, thoughts and feelings arehelpful to you. You can make the deliberate change  to have more helpful thoughts, feelings and actions. These might include doing an enjoyable activity, spending time with friends or family. To help with the shift, take a five minute belly breathing session or simply place the image of a big STOP sign in your mind, followed by shifting to something different.
• Do make  a list of things that you like to think, see, do and play at so that whendifficult external situations arise you canrefocus  your energies in  a more positive direction and  feel better about yourself.
• Do what you can do with things such as naturaldisasters. You can donate money, time, old clothing and send positive thoughtsto the location.
• Do focus on what you are thankful for in yourlife and live according to what is important to you. You can refocus yourenergies on things over which you exert influence.
• Do look into using a SAD (Seasonal AffectiveDisorder) light as the sun heads south after June 21 in the northern hemisphereif you experience low energy, irritability, negative thought patterns andchanges in your sleep patterns as the summer progresses and fall approaches.

In sum, do put your energies where they will have the most positive effect for you. Choose this direction and refrain from focusing on things over which you have no control.